a life not even half lived

I used to be “happy”.

I was healthy and fit, full of youthful innocence and without a worry in the world. It's funny how you can go from one extreme to the other. Well, that’s how it seemed to be.

I fell away from the overwhelming ecstasy that came from my youth – I began to feel like an eighty-year-old woman inside the body of a young teenage girl, always concerned about death and the future. I began to look to what was ahead of me rather than living in what was around me in that moment. I was looking forward to birthdays, driving, and going out every night, but completely neglecting the simplicity of my life at age twelve.

It was simple.

Things get complicated now.

Because of this negligence, I’ve fallen out with God a few times. I’ve fought with my family more than I should have. I’ve ruined friendships and relationships. I’ve spoken out of line and said some regrettable things. I’ve fallen ill, and have refused to get up out of my bed or out of the car more days than I’d like to admit to. I’ve stopped eating healthily and valuing the importance of exercise and wellness.

And in all my worrying about the future, I’d changed it for the worse. I’d turned into someone I hoped I’d never be.

Now this is no dreary letter of my past failures, but a letter or hope to you – it does get better! You just have to remind yourself of the little victories.

Each one of us will go through periods of doubt and confusion – these will come all through our lives, and yes, they’re unavoidable. But in all honesty, there is so much joy to be found in life!

Look at things differently. Find the positivity in your situation.

Can’t find happiness? Make your own!

Through my not-so-long sixteen year long journey, I’ve discovered that in order to maintain happiness, you’ve got to learn how to appreciate the little things more, like a double free-period at school, or a night where you fall asleep before the next morning. Because amongst the things that trouble you, these little triumphs will give you hope that better things are to come.

Because in the past few years, I’ve mended myself by looking at the little victories – I’m mending relationships, eating healthily and looking after my body again. I’m spending more time with my family. I’m now in a proper, stable relationship with God, and I’ve come to value that above any other earthly relationship.

I’ve become the person I wanted to be.

Things do get better with time, and I promise you that. But don’t rush. Enjoy your youth, spend time with your family while you’re still young (and while they still offer to buy you everything!), and look after yourself. But most importantly – don’t hate yourself for the little things that go wrong, for they are the moments that will continually teach you to enjoy the small victories even more.

Enjoy your youth while it lasts, because you’ve got such a life ahead of you.

Don’t waste it worrying, and don’t grow up too fast, my dear.


Sixteen and happy again.