the deep end

This past year has been crazy for me. You can probably tell -- it's the reason why I haven't been present on this platform so much. I think you deserve an explanation; a reason why. And I'm gonna get real with you about a few things that have gone on over the period I haven't been with you, so I'm really hoping that God is able to use what I have to say in a way that leaves you impacted and encouraged to keep going through the seasons.

Life is really insane. And, for me, twenty-seventeen was a big roller coaster of emotions and change and craziness and chaos and new things and loss and gain and stress. If you know me well, you'd know that I'm a control freak. I'd call myself Type A, or 'detailed', but I tend to stress when things don't go the way I planned. Is that just me?

But I found myself in a place of utter loss and confusion midway through last year - I had no stable job, no money, and no idea what I was doing. In this place, I fell back into a state of anxiousness. What would I do?

I felt major loneliness at this point in my life. I had just moved away from a place that I had lived in for most of my life. Friendships faded and distance created, I felt alone and isolated like never before. I was comforted by a couple of very loyal friends who had my back through everything, but still the feeling is something I couldn't shake.

And all the while, God was planting visions in my heart about my future - my calling, my gifting, my future husband and family, my goals and my dreams. To be honest, I was OVERWHELMED. I couldn't see beyond my own two feet, let alone even a few months into my future. It was scary and I was intimidated by my own future.

That, I soon learned, is LIFE. It often leaves you feeling out of your depths.

But the thing about being out of your depths is that it teaches you how to swim. Actually having to kick and paddle and fight to stay above the water. Life will never be breezy or easy, like the shallow end where you can stand comfortably and wade in the water, but is instead full of challenges you must rise to if you want to learn and grow.

I made the decision then that I could stay where I'm comfortable, limited by fear and anxiety and loneliness, or I could dive right into the deep end and learn from my struggles.

Though I was scared at first, I'm learning to enjoy the deep end. I've actually found rhythm and I'm seeing the promises of God come to pass within my life - I got a job (AMEN), and saved enough that I've been able to study at Hillsong College (which has been my forever dream). I've created friendships with people who I love and trust, and God even blessed me with the most incredible man named Keenan (thats a long, beautiful story for another time) who I call my boyfriend.

The future is calling -- will you answer? Will you step out and let God teach you how to swim?

He wants you on this journey, don't doubt it.

Just keep swimming.

Love Chloe x

{If you are struggling in a way that does seem out of control, please chat with a trusted friend or adult, or contact a professional. It's never a burden to talk about your feelings, so don't be afraid to reach out - your life matters}

Lifeline: 13 11 44